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Spotlight
Letter from Indonesia
May 2,
2007
From: Connie Freeman (formerly Pruen),
Birth
To Three mom in 1983 and 1987
Writing from Sumatra, Indonesia
To: Birth To Three
Sarah Peroutka, E-News Editor
sarahp@birthto3.org
Hi Sarah:
Interesting facts about Indonesia:
• 4th largest population in the world
• Largest Muslim population in the world
• 400 active volcanoes
• Comprises around 17,500 islands including Sumatra, Java
and Bali
The economic upswing has significantly affected the culture around
parenting. People here now can afford televisions, which have become
not only babysitters but also educators. Few parents understand
English and don’t pay attention to what their children are
watching. With English being taught in schools and supported by
TV, you can imagine what children can learn from MTV, HBO, and other
American syndications including CNN…material that significantly
shapes their impression of Americans (usually skewed toward extremes)
and, often inappropriate for their age. Additionally, the fresh
food diet is changing here and access to prefab food (less nutritious)
is becoming a sign of wealth. I remember in the 70s when my working
parents had a sigh of relief when TV dinners hit the scene….Salisbury
steak with apple cake was my favorite. The same phenomena is occurring
here in Indonesia. Sugary foods are a major part of children’s
diets, and nutrition education is almost non- existent. So, if it’s
on the shelf and kids want it, parents will tend to buy it.
I have attached a photo of me (on the far right) with some of the
members of my Expat/Indo Women’s Group called Kongko Kongko
(roughly translated as “chat” in Indonesian) that meets
2x a month to learn a craft or discuss a topic of interest (wedding
rituals to female circumcision, which is not uncommon in Sumatra.)
I have coordinated the group for 2 years. We have 10 American and
10 Indonesian members.
You asked what it’s like for American parents to parent in
another country. My community is unique and looks a lot like a small
1960s ranch house subdivision in the USA. Parenting challenges here
are very similar to the USA, yet there are some special challenges.
The expat children here are more deeply affected by the world situation,
and their perspectives are unlike the majority in the USA. Now considered
“3rd Culture Kids—kids not raised in the country of
their parents’ birth”, my students have some common
characteristics which include having parents that are troubled by
their children’s unique problems. These students are instructed
by American or Canadian teachers with American curriculum, and have
opportunities to play traditional American sports, join Girl and
Boy Scouts, etc. But being raised in this surreal environment in
the jungles of Sumatra has led to the majority having significant
challenges when experiencing the culture of their parents. Their
“home” is a foreign country, and not the same as what
their parents consider home. They have to cope with frequent loss
(friendships, diet changes, routines, etc.) due to their parents’
regular transfers of employment to other countries. These children
have usually traveled to many countries with their parents and observed
extreme poverty and affluence as well as war and evacuations.
There is comfort in sharing similar experiences and our parents
and their children have usually had significantly different upbringings.
Commonality arises strangely enough through their shared experiences
with adversity while abroad. Observing the challenges, and facing
them together. In my community there are about 100 expat families
with children from USA, Canada, UK, China, Philippines, India,
Malaysia, Venezuela, Columbia and France. The culture is much like
“Leave It To Beaver” with 2-parent, affluent households
with cooks and gardeners, and children that are bussed home at noon
to lunch with their parents. I do believe that our families have
more quality time together than the average in the USA. There are
less choices, so families stick together.
Top
So what’s the deal
with Alpha Mom…? What is it anyway?
By Constance Van Flandern, Eugene, Oregon, May 2007
It’s weird how things you create just take on a life of their
own isn’t it. Like children, we can nurture our thoughts and
ideas and steer them in the “right” direction, but the
life and meaning they eventually take on can be unrecognizable from
their adorable infancy.
Take Alpha Mom for instance. You may have read the recent article
in USA Today, or the Register Guard, or seen the segment on NBC’s
Today Show about Alpha Moms and know that I coined the word but
still don’t really know what it means or why you should care.
Simply put it’s just a couple of words I stuck together while
doing some branding and design work for a new Comcast On-Demand
Parenting Advice Network. The channel’s CEO, Isabel Kallman,
was all set to call her network “The Mommy Channel”
and asked me to come up with a logo for that name. I cringed. The
Mommy Channel? I couldn’t imagine who was going to tune in.
Worse, I couldn’t imagine a graphic and I really needed a
paycheck. Now “Alpha Mom”—that had a ring to it.
I thought it had sass, power and humor, and I had been a parent
just long enough to know that humor is the lifeboat that keeps families
afloat. Alpha Mom worked perfectly. It demanded attention. By aligning
two disparate words in our culture, Alpha Mom created a synergy,
and whether people liked it or hated it, they started to use it,
a lot. In just a single year after the brand Alpha Mom was trademarked,
the word had entered the American lexicon. Last December Ad Age
Magazine, a marketing industry standard, called Alpha Mom a Top
Ten trend to watch in 2007. Cool!
But wait…what does it mean? That’s the funny thing about
words. Like the back seat of our Subaru, they are awfully sticky,
and can pick up all sorts of unintended meanings. Now it appears
that the marketing industry has hi-jacked the term to define a rich
mom who buys and/or sells luxury goods. Sigh. There’s nothing
quite like finding yourself in the cross hairs of marketers. It’s
really a pity too, because that is not the portrait that inspired
Alpha Mom.
It was 2003; Phil and I had just moved to Eugene and were just about
to become brand spanking new parents. Like many of you we had worked
hard to build our lives, careers and identities before embarking
on parenthood. I personally was terrified. I woke up in cold sweats.
What had I done? I left a fabulous career designing sets for television
and film in New York to be a trailing spouse and mother. Where would
this road lead? Where would I start reassembling my identity without
friends, family, career or anything familiar as road markers? But
then Julia arrived and I immediately realized that the possibilities
in the way I choose to define myself just telescoped infinitesimally.
The passion, energy and enthusiasm I had previously devoted solely
to my spouse and career multiplied and I found that being a parent
enhanced the skill sets that I work so hard to hone.
I love continuing to learn and grow creatively and feel that seeing
things from my children’s perspective adds a certain honesty
and integrity to my work. Now it’s been 4 and a half years
since we arrived in Eugene, and joined Birth To Three after our
daughter Julia was born. Since then we have added more than our
son, Marston, to our family. Our experience as parents has allowed
us to meet many of you and your fabulous children. Some of the friendships
and connections we made through Birth To Three are some of the most
valued in our lives and we are proud that your children are our
children’s first friends. It was parents like you—modern,
smart, adventurous, involved, and energetic—that I was channeling
when Alpha Mom hit me. You are the parents at the front line of
what I see as a sea change in the traditional confines of parental
roles. You are the leaders of the pack. And I am so glad to be surrounded
by your brilliance and your clever, funny adorable offspring!
As for the marketing nonsense the media is swirling around Alpha
Mom, I take it with a grain of salt. I think they like to cater
to our base instinct to judge others. Material possessions nor personal
chefs (which I do not have, BTW) do not make the Alpha Mom. You
will find your inner Alpha Mom when you make your children’s
Halloween costumes instead of buying them pre packaged, when you
plan that Pirate Tea party, or when you find the time, after a long,
long day to snuggled them in at night and read “just one more”.
And when you call yourself Alpha Mom please do it slowly with a
smile and your tongue firmly planted in your cheek.
Have fun,
Constance Van Flandern
Top
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Read
the Register-Guard article on "Type
A with Tots"
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